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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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I'm pretty sure noone reads this anymore, and I'm not quite sure why I'm updating but here it is. I got my BS in psychology, I'm doing my graduate work at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA. I am likely getting engaged this month, we will probably marry in May, when she graduates. Her name is Rachelle Caldwell, she's a double major in Marriage and Family Therapy, and she's going to switch to pharmacy. My goal at this point is to get my doctorate, but I still have a ways to go..Pretty crazy, huh? There's more...we signed up to teach English in China, to University students in one of 10 major cities, for at least 1-2 years, and we can stay there as long as we like. See you kids next time..
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Sunday, October 10th, 2004
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Glenn's funeral was today, he was 33. I lost contact with Glenn about the time he moved to the DC area, which was during the time I was already in Texas, though the last time I remember spending time with him was getting sloshed in a hotel with him and some other friends on various drinks and tequilla mixed with some nasty french vanilla creme slim fast at the end.
Before I moved to Texas I remember hanging out with Glenn and Jenny almost everyday, and the times I enjoyed most was playing video games, watching animation, and talking for hours about things and life in general with him. He was funny, layed back, and an all around cool guy. He never minded me bringing my computer over and fixing it, even if it was a couple times a week, and he never even hinted that he wanted anything in return. He was a good friend.
It was a trying day to say the least. It was very hard for me to keep it together and not break down during the funeral. It was also hard to see my old circle of friends. As I expected only two of them came up and made pleasantries with me. I guess I shouldn't have expected any different. It helped that I was still a little numb. I had to work right after I left the Victory church.
I didn't have any time to myself and I needed it. Everything hit me at once while I was at work, and I promised myself, I would not break down there, which I kept good to.
I hope that when I pass on in life, that I am remembered as fondly as I am remembering Glenn at this moment.
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Man I'm so glad it's summer. I've been out of school for about a month now, and the enjoyment part is finally hitting me. For about the first couple of weeks I literally didn't know what to do with myself. Speaking of school I was a little disappointed to get a 3.83 when I had worked so hard this semester. I am still on target for Summa Cum Laude, and hopefully a scholarship when I go to graduate school, otherwise the cost of attending may be too much. I will be a senior this year, just two more semesters and I'll finally graduate.
Today marks the 15th day in a row of my drinking binge, that hopefully doesn't spiral into anything more serious than just drinking. I've been partying way too much lately, which is out of the ordinary for my usually anti-social self, but I have been having a lot of fun. There's a couple of gurls I'm interested in but as usual have yet to do anything about.
I am old enough to know better than to get mixed in with either of these gurls as theyre hardcore party people and one of them has a pretty extensive drug usage lifestyle. One of the gurls, Cathy is a punky, blond, white gurl, who I just can't help liking. We're into a lot of the same stuff, and since noone I know reads this I can say I used to use a lot of drugs when I was young. That is one thing I am concerned about if I decide to pursue this. I don't want to get caught up in that, nor do I particularly care to be around it either. She's basically already told me she likes me, so the ball is in my court. I've done my best to ignore, play dumb, etc to blow her off, but these strategies seem to have the opposite effect. Everytime I tell myself I'm not going to do this, I talk to her at work and start liking her again. It's sort of stupid, but I figure I will give in eventually.
My band is probably gonna play 3 shows this summer, so hopefully that goes well. We finally have some stuff recorded and it's not the greatest, but at least I have something to listen to that I can make changes on.
Well livejournal, see ya in a couple months ;P
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Monday, January 26th, 2004
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Wow, I haven't updated this thing in forever, but I still like to use it to organize my thoughts since none of my real life friends know about it, I think anyways.
So what has happened, not a whole lot, I'm working on my second 4.0 this semester and I'll have one more semester to go and I'll finally have my BA in psyc with a minor in sociology. Then I start graduate school *sigh* I'm getting way too old for this.
My singer quit the band, we're looking for his replacement, since it was over something stupid. We're also trashing the 7 songs we wrote with him, but my guitarist has come up with 4 songs already, so hopefully we'll be able to play some kind of schedule this summer when things slow down a bit.
I'm working multiple jobs, they are shit, but it pays the bills right? I'm still looking for more part time work, though because can't have too much money. The teg has been a big headache lately, looks like I will have to replace the back hatch glass thanks to a break in thanks a million.
I'm still enjoying the single life, that probably won't change anytime soon since I'm not really concerned about it. I know I'm way too picky and shoot down gurls before I even give them a chance, eh oh well.
My sister is getting a divorce, her husband is crazy seriously there is something wrong with him. I'm sure that will be messy.
I've been eating a steady diet of school, homework, workout, work, drink and sleep. Rinse and repeat ;) Hopefully it will be over soon, and by it I mean life lol later all.
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Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
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I haven't updated in forever so I don't see why I am doing so now. Come to think of it too many of my real life friends know my xanga journal so I have to moderate what I say..
I'm finished with school this semester, I have busted my ass and I think I have either a 3.8 or a 4.0. I should be finished in a year, then I hit graduate school. Not too shabby even though I'm about 7 years late..
I quit the remaining 2 part time jobs I had, my financial aid money played a hand in that, but also I am just tired/bored of them and need something else. So at the moment I am unemployed.
I went out on a dateski with Amber over Thanksgiving break and it was great. I'm having a lot of fun, and getting over this shy thing. I think a part of it had to do with not having good self-esteem. I have two serious interests right now, one of them from a gurl that is interested in me, but this would involve going to church. I am not a big fan of church, nor the blond hair blue eyed usually. The other is a gurl at school, Jayme who I was interested in, but never payed any attention to because I thought she was 18 or 19..turns out she's almost 25. We talked some and I think she is a bit interested, but I'll have to wait til next semester.
We have a few shows almost lined up and my band should be ready to go in January. Our hookup is gonna have us play with some pretty known bands. I'm really pumped about that for sure.
Well that is all goodnight
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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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I havent updated this thing in so long..semester is half over I'm already sick of school and working 40 hours a week, can't wait til xmas break. I think I have a 4.0 though so far, what I will get at the end of the semester remains to be seen. Our show got cancelled thanks to the city here shutting down our place to have shows/practice building, so I'm really happy about that. Deric is going to get us another one soon, hopefully with Deprivation that would be awesome (hey what can I say weakness for gurls that can shred it up). I'm going to see Slayer, Archenemy, and *gag* hatebreed with Jessica and Dustin tomorrow in Columbus so that should be fun. Haven't had much time to think even lately been so busy, but drinking it up in my spare time with friends-good times. Trying to keep my mind off certain things and just go to shows and have fun, life isnt too bad..
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Friday, September 12th, 2003
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Im going to Lacuna Coil, Type O, and Byzantine on Saturday at XFest 2003 Huntington with Jessica and Dustin. Schedule has been killing me- mwf 7 am-9 workout, class 10-3 work 4-10 or 11, + band practice. T Th 230-345 then work 4-9 or 10 usually. We're putting on a Halloween show at either the Dills Center or RoomTwenty1, its gonna be Misfits themed, and we're getting 3 other bands to play with us, hopefully it'll be fun.
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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Update time..yesterday I went up to Columbus with Evans and two other guys to see Lacuna Coil and Anthrax at Alrosa Villa. Gonna keep this one short, I promise. I picked up some Crash Hall Dancers for 6 bucks, and a Lady Death Comic 'Medieval Times' #5 in Lancaster that I have been needing for a while. Unfortunately no LD figures at the comic store we stopped at.
We sat around for a while before the show started and Evans got up to use the bathroom so I watched his chair. This one guy put his hand on it and I put my hand on the other side and he was like ahhh no man I wasnt trying to steal yer chair I was just moving it and looked scared. It was really funny, Boston and Brandon were cracking up.
Dave talked to some older guy who was with two female friends. The one Susie was very cute, and close to our age. The rest of the convo was a blur lol.
The doors opened at 7 and some shitty rap metal band opened and it was utter vomit. I heard one guy yell get off the stage when he was up there talking. Some people started hardcore dancing and I launched this one kid that slammed into me and dave about 5 or 6 feet into another guy hard.
We moved up and Dave was right at the stage with Boston and Brandon and I were right behind them. Lacuna Coil played an hour set and most of the songs came off of Comalies, though they did play some good songs from In Reverie, Lacuna Coil, and Unleashed Memories so I was happy about that. They sounded great much better than I expected and Cristina was definately looking good. At the end, the guitarist handed his pick to Dave which he later gave to me (thanks Evans bjs are on iou's) that I figure I will frame.
Next Anthrax came on and played an hour and a half set. By this point everyone was trying to push their way up to the stage and I have never been so squashed at a concert before in my life. This random gurl started grinding on my leg bigtime and I was just like wtf and figured it was not intentional, but I looked over and she was smiling so I faced her and danced with her a little bit. I feel bad but my um hands slipped some and she didnt seem to mind at all. Anthrax was fucken awesome and I actually do like the 'new guy,' they really put on a good show. Dave swiped the Mic stand and got two Anthrax picks that he pocketed. I ended up getting a couple LC stickers and a shirt and we left right after the show was over. It was seriously so hot in there I literally thought I was going to pass out a couple of times.
On the way home I was so worn out I fell asleep and woke up to Evans saying hey stephens you awake? We're gonna run out of gas. I was like oh shit, Brandon was driving like 40 on the highway so we didnt run out of gas. Luckily we made it to the gas station.
All in all it was the greatest day of my life, Lacuna Coil is one of my favorite if not my favorite band, and Anthrax was damn good. I am definately pumped to go see more concerts.
I saw Sworn Enemy,Byzantine, and Shadows Fall last month with Jessica but didnt update about it.
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Just got back from The Blondie show with Taylor Dayne-had a good time as usual with Cory and Cate, and as all concert experiences go it was weird but overall worth it. The venue was called the Factory which happened to be an abandoned factory, but better than an abandoned church I guess. Debbie Harry put on a great show. Next up is Lacuna Coil with Type O Negative at the Newport on August 4th.
http://www.blondie.net/images/BLONDIE_FRONTsm.jpg
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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
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Well you've been to the clubs and the discotheques
Where they deal one another from the bottom of a deck of promises
Where the cautious loners and emotional wrecks
Do an acting stretch as a way to hide the obvious
And the lights go down and they dance real close
For one brief instant they pretend they're safe and warm
Then the beat gets louder and the mood is gone
The darkness scatters as the lights flash on
They hold one another just a little too long
And they move apart and then move on
On to the street
On to the next
Safe in the knowledge that they tried
Faking the smile, hiding the pain
Never satisfied
The fire inside...
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| Time: | 4:42 am. |
| Mood: |  depressed. |
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Looks like Chandra and I are finished, I can never seem to get things right. I am starting to wonder if I am right for anyone. Sure there are other gurls that I could date right now but they are never the right ones. I am not really sure what to think or feel. Its confusing and depressing and I have not been able to sleep much the last week or so.
Any practical advise from anyone who even remotely knows me I would appreciate.
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Thursday, June 19th, 2003
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| darkesolstice | | Magic Number | 21 | | Job | Actor | | Personality | Unfulfilled Dreamer | | Temperament | Check My Pulse | | Sexual | Just Say No | | Likely To Win | Nothing | | Me - In A Word | Dull | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
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Interesting..
| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 66%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh | 62.9% | | Shamelessness | 85%
Has yet to see self in mirror | 77.9% | | Sex Drive | 57%
A fool for love, but not always | 76.1% | | Straightness | 5%
Knows the other body type like a map | 42% | | Gayness | 100%
| 81% |
| Fucking Sick | 85%
Refreshingly normal | 88.8% |
You are 66% pure
Average Score: 70.7%
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My heart races with every touch
the softness of your voice soothes my soul
a whisper softly in my ear
your eyes coy and sly
Passion dilating your pupils
cascading every breath
and embrace the moments
the gentle touch of voices
within the bond of love
caressing believing
the ember star of passion
slumber of the mornings kisses
a brush of the hand
a kiss of lips
suddenly the world stops
the moments riddled
daydreaming fantasy passion desire love
as I lay there hoping the moment will never end
calling for you
praying that youll never let me go
my heart empty
my soul torn apart
lying there wondering where I went wrong
calling out for you, only to find
there is no answer
the lust and fantasy
leaving me empty
confused on how to think or feel
the loneliness I feel
so wretched and compelled
betrayal to myself
how can you have meant so much to me
and I have meant nothing to you
I was so blind
there was much I didnt see
I was lost and didnt know what to say
whenever you held me close
desire deep inside me
I just wish I would never had come to realize
the whole time I thought u cared
I had been believing a lie
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Just a warning I saw this on one of my lj boards
"For those of you who took Dante's Inferno Test, there were some spy programs being set up in your computer so whenever you access a site that requires a username and password [ex: Hotmail, Live/DeadJournal, etc] the staff with the spyware can "hack" this information from you"
http://www.tucows.com/preview/236049.html
to get rid of it.
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Ive had a nice weekend, hung out with everyone at se on Friday, then did some drinking and seeing my friend Jess and Cory hopefully trying to hook up. Its a weird dynamic, Jess is after Cory, but Cory is not really (sort of) interested. She is really cool, if she wasnt so hung up on Cory I might actually be interested. She has a lot of qualities that any guy would be lucky to have. I havent given it any serious thought, just casually thought about it. I do hope they hook up though.
Went to roomtwenty1 last nite, it was a free show Melissa and Deric's place Roomtwenty1.com (Misfits lyrics for those who dont know). Stacy's other band played there, as well as some other local bands, it was alright but I should have brought my earplugs to protect whats left of my hearing. Saw some cute punky friends of Jess's there, went with Jess and Jenn of course..
We sat in some hippy shop for a while as one can only stand so much terrible music (Stacys band played first but after that it was all downhill), and got a pizza and I dozed off at Jess's Jenn and her bf were there.
I am a person that can be crushed very easily emotionally, and I dont want to waste my time on a relationship that I dont see lasting more than a month, because of obvious reasons...I keep my circle of friends close, and my family, and I dont like letting new people into my life.
I know is this not the best things for me, but this is how I must live. I cannot do this any other way.
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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
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Smackdown Powa!
Sea Min Chun's
Battle Imp
is |
Asum |
Backstabbing: 7
Dodgin': 5
Guts: 4
Magic Mojo: 8
Smackdown: 10
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Thursday, March 27th, 2003
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I have been seeing someone for a while now, a new happening for me.
I've gotten to know her pretty well, and she probably knows me better than I know her. She has some pretty heavy emotional baggage from past experiences, and other fairly serious problems.
Unfortunately for me in the past, I have seemed to attract gurls with all kinds of messed up psycho emotional problems. So you could say in a sense that I am somewhat accustomed to this kind of situation. I am not sure if I can deal with it, and the other side of it is asking myself if I want to deal with it? So far my answer is yes.
I have found certain aspects of our relationship to be as close to perfect as I could hope for, but it's frustrating to me to feel like I'm being pushed away. She also has a hard time expressing herself to me, and opening up to me, though I wonder if that will go away given time. It's sort of ironic in a way, I guess I know how my exes felt..
I feel like I'm falling into the same white/asian patterns that I did with my ex. I can't say I'm without my issues reguarding that, and I know that has got to be hard to live with. She is also a good bit taller than I am, but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. Now mind you if someone that doesn't know me reads this let me explain that I am not being racist, but if you read and understand this correctly you will know of the complications I am talking about. The complications that are there.
School is really sucking the life out of me, I will never take this many hours again. Yay and only YEARS left to go sigh hehe. I am too old for this..I think my bio lab graduate student instructor is not very fond of me. I received a 44% on my lab paper yes that is no typo 44!! and its gets better it accounts for 1/4 of our semester grade. I have never received that low of a grade for a paper. How the hell do you give someone a 44%. In his comments the paper was not written to what his own expectations were, since his instructions were not as detailed as his reasoning for taking that many points off. Of course, the HOT gurls in lab all got good grades, and gee I would even wager the same 'errors' that were on my paper were somehow overlooked. Yes, I am basing this on previous labs we have gotten back. Perhaps I am the wrong gender to do well in that class.
I just finished my cycle today I'm up to a beefy 206, time to cut down for summer ;P
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Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
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I'm on Spring Break now glad I can relax a bit. I saw the Eyeliners play in Millvale (Pittsburgh), PA on Sunday it was a great show and I had a good time. It took us about 3.5 hours to get up there and when we got there it was Podunk/deliverance, PA. The show was held in a renovated church called Mr Small's Theatre. The crowd was decent, there's always at least one annoying concert person, but noone annoyed me at all at the show. Hot punk gurls + guitars= good ;D
I was hoping to see them again but I seriously don't feel like sitting in a car for another 7 or so hours. I picked up some old Cindi Lauper vinyl, for a buck on the trip, Nina Gordon, Cranberries, and Debbie Gibson ;P Life is good..
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darkesolstice's journal
